[ I ]dentity

So Valentine’s week is about to start, how’s your preparation? 😉

In the mean time, I want to share a thing to think about before the V-day (Valentine’s Day).

It doesn’t matter whether you’re single, you’re about to enter a relationship, you’re dating, or you’re married, because this little thing I want to share is really about you. Yes, you!


It’s about how far you know yourself and how you’re dealing with your partner ( or prince/ princess charming to be).

Before you enter a relationship, it is important to know who you are before you learn about your partner. When you fall in love, it is really easy for you to lose who you are. Why? Because you’re putting someone else before yourself, after all isn’t that what love is all about, right? Yes, I’m not against it. However, how far you interpret this statement is what matters most.

When you’re falling in love, you tend to do what your significant other wants you to do, make him/her happy, and temporarily forgot who you really are or want.  Usually in the period of early dating, your significant other is your priority. You push yourself to get to know him/her, do whatever it takes to impress him/her, and yes you might enjoy this period. Yet, at some point, you feel that it was too much for you to take and you don’t know what’s wrong, all you want is to take a break.

Here are the solutions:

  1. Sit, take a deep breath, and open your mind.
  2.  Realize that you are not supposed to push or rush yourself to get to know what your significant other, but you are better if you are slowly getting to know him/her. Remember that good thing never comes easy, it takes time.
  3. You don’t impress your significant other, you share things with your significant other. If he/she is impressed, that’s good. However, the point is not to impress, but to share and to accept.
  4. You want to make your significant other happy. That’s good, very good. But, how do you make him/her happy? Is that something that  you are comfortable with? Remember, it’s like when your best friends want to jump from the bridge, you don’t jump with them, but you’re telling them that that’s stupid. So if your significant other try to do something bad, don’t do it with him/her, but advise them.
  5. In a relationship, both parties are equally important. You are putting your significant other before yourself doesn’t mean you change yourself to be his/her perfect man/women criteria. You are who you are. Both parties must learn how to accept and understand each other.

Therefore, putting significant other before yourself (read: love) is required  an earlier step called bounding time when you are learning about each other and accepting the differences. You don’t change your identity, but you learn how to improve yourself to become a better you. Remember that if your significant other try to change you to become someone he/she likes, your significant other has not accepted who you are yet.

If you are married, it is good to always remind yourself and your partner that you are both equally important in building your family boat. Like people say that you are never stop learning, in your marriage life, you are never stop learning about your partner.

Know yourself! Don’t sacrifice who you are just to become a part of someone who doesn’t actually love you.


I am who I am.

I ain’t gonna be someone else for you.

~ Girl in Pink Dress


5 responses to “[ I ]dentity

  1. Good advice. Unfortunately, I wasn’t so insightful at your age. In a poem I wrote back then, you get a view of the consequences of following the flip side of this advice and jumping to relationships too quickly. Aptly, it’s called “I’m Sorry.” Drop by and take a read if you get a minute.
    You have some good reading here. Congratulations. I’m looking forward to hearing more from you. Blessings, Mary

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